Archive for relationships

in love: confidence is key

Posted in family, friendship, love, relationship with tags , , , , , , on April 12, 2010 by jentonelli

Jealousy is an inherent aspect of our culture.


With the occasional bitch-fight with your best friend or mother, jealousy is most prominent in our relationships with our boyfriends/girlfriends. But why??

Think of the best relationships you have:

Likely with a parent, a best friend, a sibling, a coworker, even a pet, whoever….

Think of how you act toward that person:

Likely confident, secure, interested, mature, compassionate, positive and unconditional….

Think of your relationship with your partner:

Insecure, dramatic, negative, immature? If so, you might want to evaluate this relationship.

Why is it that we treat our significant other so differently than the other people we claim to love? Why do we constantly get jealous? Cause fights? And set standards that are extremely ridiculous just because they are our boyfriend or girlfriend? When in reality, we would not treat our closest friends or relatives in this manner. We know that our mother will love us unconditionally, even if we have a ton of siblings. We don’t accuse our best friend of cheating on us with their other friends. We aren’t likely to flip out on our coworkers for giving us constructive criticism. And we do not expect our sisters to text us back all day in a timely manner. We know these other people are capable of having lives and friends and still love us back. Why, though, do we often set our boyfriends or girlfriends up to fail? Why can’t we maintain that same confidence and security?

I believe it is one of the most important aspects of a relationship to feel secure, exude confidence and use our best judgment as often as possible. I believe this is the key ingredient to love. If you are successful in your friendships and your familyships, then you should introduce those same values into your relationships. The rules of love are the same for each relationship in your life. People want to be trusted, respected and treated as real people, not as property and not as people who owe you something, especially all of their time. Just as you expect your own space and freedoms, as well as trust, the person you date desires these things to. Give and you shall receive.

bad habits in love! yes girls, we have them too…

Posted in lifestyle, relationship, sex with tags , , , , , , , , , on March 16, 2010 by jentonelli

Flipping through the April 2010 issue of Glamour on my flight home from the Bahamas, I was shocked and pleased to find an article with such conviction. “What’s Destroying Your Love Life? Oh…Could it Be You?” is brilliant. The article points out how quick we are to blame men for our failing relationship, lifelong loneliness and constant agony, when in reality, ladies, we are just as flawed and the last people to admit it. Often, it is hard for a best friend to tell you what you are doing wrong in your relationship, for fear of hurting your feelings. It is hard to hear it from your man, because well, he’s hardly ever right. And forget about asking your mother, she’s either cut her losses long ago and just agrees with you all the time, or she criticizes you so often you don’t bother listening anymore. But, a magazine, that you trust and love, that you don’t feel personally judged by, like a secret pen pal, or wise old woman, is a great alternative for advice. A magazine can indirectly point out your flaws and mask it with the idea that thousands of girls are reading it, which keeps you from getting offended!

Listen to a few of these common mistakes that Glamour discusses and a ton of chicks are probably guilty of, but check out the issue for the full article:

1. Do you take the fun out of it? How often are you saying ‘no’ when your guy is trying new things? Choosing to stay in and make him stay in too, for fear of what could happen if you leave the comfort of the couch? Rolling over and falling asleep as soon as you hit the pillow? Think about how things were when you started dating. If there has been a significant change in your fun habits, reevaluate and loosen up.

2. Do you over-rely on technology? The magazine makes a great point in discussing the ways in which girls are constantly on facebook, their blackberries and texting. When you are with your guy, put down the laptop, silence your phone, make eye contact and work on the relationship that is in front of you rather than the one across the Internet. I’m sure you would expect that from him, right? Also, nix the bad habit of the lonely text, just because you went home alone tonight, or your friends are out on dates, or you’ve had one too many espresso martinis, that is no reason to text that old, dead-end, flame… he’ll still suck in the morning, and you’ll feel that old regret.

3. Do you pick unavailable guys? Unavailable is a multifaceted term. This doesn’t just apply to the man with a girlfriend, but also, the emotionally unavailable guy who is constantly blowing you off, or telling you he doesn’t want anything serious, even after years of sex, dates and family visits. A rule of thumb, you shouldn’t be coming up short in a relationship. If he is content and you are miserable, chances are you’re losing a lot more than you’re gaining.

4. Do you get off on drama? Ahh, so true, so true. The magazine highlights something key to a relationship: communication. But think of this, when was the last time your man threw a fit, cried, hung up on you, and screamed about four different things at once?? Hopefully, it wasn’t recently. The truth is, a downside to us women being so in tuned to our emotions, is that we often lose control of them just as quickly as we show them. Sometimes, it feels great to scream, because we feel powerful and passionate. We start fights just to get any attention at all, or just for the make up. We bring up things that are completely unrelated because we ran out of recent topics but still have enough fuel to last us till next weekend. Basically, this habit will only get you as far as that last scream and it is definitely one to learn to let go of. There are plenty of other ways you should find passion and power in your relationship!