Lent. Lent. Lent. What are you? I’m not even Catholic, but for years I have seen my friends get ashes on Wednesday and promise to give up that one thing that has become a bad habit or obsession. A friend gave up dairy… my boyfriend gave up swearing but I will tell you he has been unfuckingsuccessful… and another friend promised to give up TWO things which I thought was a little much: sugar and her ex. I can tell you she has refused the four boxes of Girl Scout Cookies that sit up on my bureau, but the EX factor- not so much. And I’ll tell you exactly why, because she is no where near ready to give him up and today, I decided, that’s ok.
Sometimes, we find something or someone and they latch on like a leach. They begin to consume us. They break us down to our very worst selves. The trick is, these people also maintain the ability to make us feel like no other. Well, fuck. How the hell am I supposed to give up something that makes me feel better than anyone else can. Sure that person may never grow up, stop dicking around or pulling the same bull shit, but really, when he’s good, he’s better than everything. I hear that, and don’t deny it, you hear that too.
I have been on the anti-ex side of this battle for a few years, I have bit my tongue and I have bitched the same argument against him, but today, and maybe only today, I say, unless you are entirely willing to give something up, save those attempts, because the harder you try the further you’ll fall back into it. I say, rather than quitting cold turkey, let go slowly, because unless YOU believe in the decision, YOU will keep going back to it. I know each time he hurts her, my friend is right on board with the rest of us, “he’s a dick, I need to let go, he is mentally mind fucking me” but then there are those great weekends, those times he says he loves her, and she says, “I just need to relax, I need to change for him”. And I know exactly at that moment that she has been sucked back in.
I have no idea how long it will go on until he either grows up or she gives up, but today I pray she is happy because really that matters more than anything.
And for the rest of us, try giving up something you believe in. For me, for some reason, it was coffee, it has been successful thus far, I have been drinking a cup of tea every time I want coffee. But I am not going to lie, my life has been falling apart slowly and I dream of coffee beans and espresso shots every night…